I Need You So Much Closer
by celestialdawn2123
Summary: Two-Shot: Suzaku is still in love with Lelouch, but tries to supress his feelings when a wedding invitation is sent over to his house and lands on his hands. A short love story about two past lovers who meet again in the present. OOC/ Rated M for lemons. WARNING: BoyxBoy.
1. Chapter 1

**So this is a new story I thought about just before going to sleep. I stayed up all night to finish the first chapter for you guys so I really hope you enjoy this little SuzaxLulu love story I made up. Please R&R.**

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I can't do it. I won't do it. I'll freak out and do something stupid if I go, and I can't ruin such a special day. Not now, that he's finally happy.

I take the wedding invitation in my hands and set my mind to tear it to pieces, but I just can't. I trace my fingers over the white and red frames of it. It really is a nice invitation. I read it over and over again in my mind even though it kills me every time I see her name. That woman, who is going to become _his _wife in less than two weeks. I sigh deeply and place the wedding invitation on my night stand bottom drawer hoping that it would disappear by the time morning comes around, after that I settle in my bed and set my mind to sleep, although all I can think about is _him_.

Lelouch Vi Britannia.

Lelouch and I were childhood friends. Our mothers were best friends so when we were born we were always together. When we were 10 we built our own fort deep in the woods, we had all sort of stuff in there: books, toys, video games, even a small TV. We would always go to the arcade and spent hours playing the same game trying to beat each other's highest scores. Since kindergarten 'till high school, we were always together. Lelouch was my best friend, no one knew me better than him and I knew him better than he did himself; then I fell in love with him. For a whole year I kept my feeling for him a secret, but I hurt every time I saw him just talking to other girls, so I confessed to him and to my surprise he returned my feeling. We dated for two years and we were so happy, or at least I was. The day we graduated Lelouch broke this off with me, he told me he was moving to England and that he wasn't coming back. After that I never spoke to Lelouch again.

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Ding dong…

Ding dong…

I heard the doorbell ringing incessantly. It became louder, clearer.

I rolled over in bed and saw it was 2 in the afternoon. Fuck, I need to get my shit together, I can't even sleep now, last night I fell asleep at 5:30 in the morning.

It's been 3 days since I received Lelouch's wedding invitation, and those past three days have been a nightmare, not only because my whole past came back crushing everything I've ever worked for, but because every minute of the day I thought of him and our old selves.

Ding dong!

"Okay I'm coming! Just hold on!" I yelled to whoever was ringing the doorbell incessantly. I stood up from the bed and threw on a shirt since I was wearing nothing but pajama pants. As I walked to the door I ran my hand through my hair to brush the mess I had in my head. My heart stopped when I opened the door.

"Took you long enough to open the door. You shouldn't be sleeping in this late." His voice was like a melody to my ears. It's been so long since I heard his voice. He sounds tired but he's trying to hide it behind a smile and a sweet little laugh. He also has dark circles under his eyes, barely visible to anyone but not to me, I see them clearly as I know every inch of his beautiful pale face.

_His face._

_Lelouch. _

_Don't abandon me again Lelouch._

_I miss you._

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My eyes flicker open and I see the sunlight hitting my eyes directly, but I can't seem to move my arms. What happened? The last thing I remember was darkness taking over me and something pulled me down into it. I felt something stroking my hair. No, not something, some one. _Lelouch._ I quickly sat down and looked down at Lelouch's lap where my head was resting seconds ago. What is he doing here? Isn't it enough torture to just have to know he is getting married?

"You're awake." He says as he smiles kindly. _How I miss that smile, it's still as beautiful as always. _I nod my head and cough. I know I should feel awkward being around him after everything that's happened but I don't, I still feel as comfortable as ever with him around me.

I can't bare the silence any more, I can't bare being around him without feeling that my heart is going to break into a million pieces all over again. "Why did you came here?" I ask him coldly as I look away from him and into a window, but I can still see him, his reflection. His smile drops and a pained expression appears on his face. I still hate to see him in pain.

"I wanted to talk to you about something." He replies just as coldly as I did and I regret opening the door when he rang the doorbell. I should've just waited until he left defeated, just like the last three people who have rang my doorbell the past three days. One of them my mother.

"There's nothing to talk about." I answered as I stood up. "Now if you excuse me I have work to do, please leave." I lie, the truth is that I haven't been working since I got the invitation; I took a break from work. _Please don't ever leave me again. _

"But I really need to tell you this. It's about the… wedding." He barely says the last word in a whisper.

"I don't need to hear it. I'll be there supporting you and her." I lie again and give him what I hope it looks like a warm smile. "I'm really looking forward to seeing your mother again." Another lie. Why do I keep lying? Why can't I just tell him that I still love him and that it kills me to see him happy with another person.

Oh that's right. Because he is happy and it would be extremely selfish of me to ruin his happiness over something from our past. _Our past. Oh, how I miss that. _I secretly wish we could be in high school again, walking home hand in hand. Kissing goodnight after a date at the karaoke. Sleeping together after a night of heavy drinking. Tucking him in my bed because he is too drunk to do it himself. I sigh deeply and start to walk away from him, but he stops me grabbing my arm.

"I'm sorry." He whispers. I barely heard him. "I'm sorry I broke things off so suddenly after our graduation. I'm sorry I never said goodbye to you properly. I'm sorry I never told you the truth behind the break up. And I'm sorry I lied to you all this years."

_What? Lied? What has he been lying to me about? _He has my attention now and I turn around slowly, never letting him lose his grip in my arm. I'm happy with him touching me, even if it's just like this. "What are you talking about?" He didn't say anything; he merely looked down at our connected bodies by his hand and my arm. His hand is warm. I smile on the inside. "Answer me Lelouch." It's been so long since that name slipped from my lips.

"The morning of our graduation ceremony my grandfather told me that I was to take over my family's company. Since my father is not available for the job I was supposed to take it. I refused but he threatened me telling me he'd disown me and cut off all connections with my family if I refused. So I left. My grandfather told me I could never come back to Japan as a family member. You get along with my family so well that I could never ask you to come with me just for my selfish reasons of not wanting to take over the company and keeping you by my side. Moving to England was the only thing I could think of doing by the time. I had been accepted into a well-known university and was going to study what I wanted to.

By the end of last year I got a phone call from my mother telling me that my grandfather said that if I got married I could return to the family. By the time I had met a pretty and very nice girl in campus named Shirley, and I saw an opportunity in her of returning. After a couple of weeks she became my girlfriend and last month I proposed to her, called my family and told them the news. My grandfather welcomed me and Shirley with open arms, seeing in her a fit candidate of caring a male firstborn that will eventually take over the company."

After Lelouch's speech I just stood there, completely speechless. It all made sense now. He never left because he didn't love me anymore or because he was disgusted by me. He was forced to leave… _But that doesn't mean he still loves you_. I have to stay strong and swallow my feelings. He will get married to that girl named Shirley and he will return to Japan, that's the only way. I won't take away his family with my selfishness.

"It doesn't matter now." I shook off his grip from my arm and walked to the kitchen. I felt him hot on my heels. _Stop following me and just leave already_. He's making this harder than it already is. "You'll get married to her and be happy together."

"But that's the problem." He said as he took my hand again. I didn't turn around. I couldn't face him. _Don't do this. _"I won't be happy. I don't want this." _Don't. _"I can't be happy unless you…" _Please, stop torturing me. I beg you. _"Unless you're in my life." I felt the tears starting to roll down my cheeks. I was shaking and my heart was about to explode in my chest.

"Please. Don't do this right now. You are getting married in less than two weeks."

"Not if you give me a reason not to." He barely whispered in my neck. He was really close to me. When did he move so close? I could feel his body behind mine. His breath was hot and I sensed anger in him. Why was he angry?

I turned around to finally look at him. "We can't do this Lelouch." He took my head in his hands and whipped off my tears with his thumbs. I'm sure my face was flushed by the time, I could feel the heat.

"Why not?" He took a step closer to me and almost rested his forehead in mine. I squeezed my eyes shot as more tears fell down. _I'm about to break. _I need to be strong, for both of us. _I can't. _He kissed my forehead and asked again. "Why not Suzaku?" I gasped by the sound of my name being pronounced by him. That was my limit. He easily broke down all the walls I had built around my heart to protect me from him.

"Because I need you closer." I finally confessed my true feelings after hearing his story. "Because… I can't bare being so far away from you. I want you to return home. I miss you." I closed my eyes again as he rested his forehead in mine and kept whipping away my tears.

"Do you still love me?" His question took me by surprise but I knew the answer right away. I've always known the answer to that and I can't refuse the truth. I nodded.

Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump. I hear in my ears the erratic beating of my heart. But wait, it's not my heart beat that I'm hearing, it's Lelouch's. Without noticing he pulled me into a hug, and I buried my head into his chest, making me able to hear his heartbeat.

"I still do too Suzaku." He whispered into my hair as he squeezed me hard, but I didn't mind, because I was in his arms again. I hugged him back, as tight as I could and gripped into his jacket, just in case he decided to move away.

"I love you so much Lelouch. I can't even begin to tell you how much I've missed you." I confessed to him, my voice being muffled by his jacket.

"I love you to Suzaku, so much." He answered and I smiled widely. "Don't think about anything else. I'm here with you, I won't go anywhere. You won't miss me anymore. I won't leave you ever again. I promise."

He pulled away and I instantly missed the closeness, but I was comforted again by his lips as he kissed me. For over three years I haven't been able to savor his delicious and soft lips and now that I can again, I won't be letting them be apart from mine for a long time.

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"L-Lelouch." I moaned into his neck as he thrusted into me again, as he did so he hit my sweet spot and that combined by his hand on my cock moving up and down made me scream out in pleasure.

"I love your voice Suzaku. I've missed it so much." His thrusts became more forceful, but never did he make me lose the feeling of love into our act. We were making love again, and as desperate as we are and crave each other's bodies so much, we took our time.

I moaned his name loudly again and squeezed him with my insides. I knew he loves that and drives him crazy. He groaned and thrusted harder into me, I dug my nails on his back and pushed him closer by wrapping my ankles over his ass.

"God, you're driving me crazy Suzaku." He kissed me and I returned the kiss with as much passion as I could put into it. All of our past feelings, our new feeling, our future ones, they were all reflected here, right now.

"I love you so much." I screamed out as his thrusts became faster and more erratic, also his movements of his hand on me. I knew he was close, and so was I, but I wanted to come just by his thrusts, so I moved his hand away and he pinned both of my hands above my head as he kissed me again. After one last thrust we both came, screaming out loud each other's names like we used to do in the past. But that is old news, I'd never have to go back and smile at those old memories, because I'll make new memories from now on, and they'll be better than the past ones.

Lelouch collapsed on top of me and rolled us over so I had half my body on top of his. He pulled me closer to him and I nuzzled his neck. We enjoyed the silence as he stroke my hair and I drew small patterns in his chest. After a few minutes I asked the one question I wanted to avoid, but knew I couldn't. "What's going to happen now?"

He sighed in content and kissed the top of my head. "Don't worry about it right now okay? We'll deal with this tomorrow. Together." I smiled at him and decided to push that problem to the back of my head until morning. For now I'll just enjoy being with Lelouch, even if it's just for a night.

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**I really hope you enjoyed the first chapter and tomorrow I'll post the second one. Goodnight to me! _**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm sorry it took so long for me to post, but I dodn't know how to end this, but it's finally here. Please R&R. Please enjoy!**

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Lelouch POV

I woke up to the warm feeling of the sun light hitting my bare back. I opened my eyes slowly, adjusting them to the brightness of the room. I smiled when I saw him next to me. Suzaku. I've misd him for all these years, and now I finally have him back. It was my mistake leaving, but I couldn't even think about asking him something so selfish like running away with me. I just couldn't, so instead I ran away from him. Every day I thought about him, even after I met Shirley and made her my girlfriend. I know it wasn't fair for her to be with someone who is already in love with someone else, but I was desperate to get back. I know I'm going to have to tell her, and she's going to hate me, but at the time it seemed like a good plan. I sighed deeply as I thought about what I was going to tell my family.

Suzaku stirred next to me. He snuggled closer to my body and I stroked his hair until he slowly opened his eyes. I smiled down at him and I noticed that lovely light pink blush that colored his cheeks. He's so cute. I kissed him, it was merely a peck on the lips, I know he doesn't like to kiss in the morning because he thinks he has bad breath, but I don't care about that, although I learnt not to do so.

"Good morning Suzaku." I whispered in his ear and kissed his cheek. I felt his smile and he hugged me closer to him by my waist.

"Good morning." His answer was muffled by the sheets and my chest.

The rest of the morning we spent it mostly in bed, kissing, hugging, cuddling, and then we got up and made some breakfast. We ate slowly, in peace, none of us wanted to think about what was coming.

Suddenly my phone vibrated. I knew who it was, my mother. I sighed and looked at Suzaku, he was eyeing me suspiciously. I need to talk to my family now, but the problem is, will Suzaku come with me and be there with me to support me?

"I'll go." He said suddenly, surprising me.

"What?"

"I'll go with you to talk to your family. I won't leave your side, so don't worry okay?" He said as he gave me a bright smile. I forgot how easy was for Suzaku to read me and tell when I was worried about something. I nodded my head and we finished our breakfast talking about everything and nothing.

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I took yet another deep breath. I don't know how many times I have done it since we arrived to my mother's house, but it was not working at all. Suzaku was squeezing my hand and smiling at me, he reassured me over and over that no matter what happens he'll stay by my side. I smiled at him and was grateful for his words; they comforted me and calmed me down. When I was sure I wasn't going to return my breakfast by my nauseas, I slowly got out of the car and made my way to the other side of it to open Suzaku's door. He took my hand in his and we walked to the door. Before we even made it up the stairs my mother was already opening the door. She looked mad, furious even.

"Lelouch Vi Britannia! Where the hell were you last night and why didn't you come home?!" My mother yelled at me and when she saw mine and Suzaku's hands intertwined, she stopped her outburst. Slowly, she eyed us up and down. "Oh." Was all she managed to say.

"Are grandfather and Shirley home? I'd like to tell you something." I said as my mother nodded and stepped aside to let us enter the house. We followed her in silence to the dining room where my grandfather was sitting at the head of the table and Shirley was pacing around. When Suzaku saw her he immediately let go of my hand and gave me an apologetic look, I smiled at him and nodded, making him know that I understood why he did it.

Shirley saw me and gasped. "Where have you been Lelouch? I was so worried." She said as she walked towards me and hugged me, when she saw Suzaku she let go of me and smiled at him. "Who is this Lelouch?" Shirley asked giving me a weird look. There was something in her eyes, but I couldn't quite out my finger in it.

"Oh, Shirley this is Suzaku, a childhood friend. Suzaku this is Shirley… my fiancée." I didn't know whether I should or shouldn't have said that, but my grandfather seemed happy about it. I took yet another deep breath; I felt Suzaku's hand on my back rubbing little circles when no one was looking. Okay Lelouch, this is it, you have to tell them. "Umm Shirley, can I have a word with you? In private?" She nodded and followed me to the kitchen, before closing the swinging door I saw Suzaku smiling at me.

"Look Shirley, here's the thing." I began. "Suzaku and I-"

"I know Lelouch." Shirley said, cutting me mid-sentence. My mouth hung open and I'm sure I looked like an idiot. Have I misheard her? Did she really said that?

"What?" I asked her, just in case I did misheard.

"I know what you and Suzaku are Lelouch, and you don't have to worry about me."

"But… but how do you know?"

She smiled at me and sat down in the kitchen island, looking at the floor as she spoke. "Last night when you never came back your mother and I began to talk, she told me about this guy named Suzaku. She told me that he was your best friend and that you two have been together since you were born." She smiled again and looked up at my face. "She told me that you were in love with him and that you dated for two years until your graduation day, she told me everything about your grandfather's wish and his threats and his condition for you to return, I immediately knew that you never loved me, but you saw a way of coming back home in me.

I didn't knew you were going to your friend's house last night and I was really worried, but when I saw you coming in with him I knew that you were okay, because you were with him." She was silent for a few seconds and I was about to apologize but she began to talk again. "I know you still love him Lelouch. I saw the look on your face when you came in and the way you looked at him when you introduced us. You've never looked at me that way, and I can see you love him very much and that you are happy with him."

I sighed and sat down next to her, taking her hand in mine. "I'm so sorry Shirley. I should have never used you that way, and I'm very sorry if I made you feel unwanted or unloved. You have to know that I do love you, I love you so much, but maybe not the way you thought or expected me to do." I told her with an apologetic look, I feel like shit for doing this to her, she is such a nice girl.

She moved her hand away from mine and stoked my cheek, never losing her loving smile. "You have nothing to apologize for Lelouch. We don't chose who we fall in love with, it simply happens, and sometimes it's not meant to be, and I understand that, so stop apologizing and clear things up with your family. Okay?"

I nodded at her and she gave me a soft kiss on the lips before walking out of the kitchen. I was speechless by the way Shirley reacted, I was expecting anger and tears, but instead she was all smiles, she understood and she didn't hate me. I was thankful for her; I don't think I'll ever be grateful enough.

I think Suzaku began to worry since I wasn't coming out of the kitchen because he walked in and made his way towards me. He was looking at the door in amazement. Maybe Shirley said something to him. She probably did.

"Are you okay?" He asked as he stroked my cheek. I looked into his eyes and knew everything was going to be okay. I nodded and kissed him quickly before taking his hand and walking out of the kitchen and back to the dining room. Shirley was still there, and she smiled at me and gave me a nod, encouraging me to speak up. And I did.

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Things went surprisingly well after telling Shirley. She helped me talk to my grandfather and she even got to his soft side. My mother never agreed on my grandfather's decision of forcing me into something I never wanted, so she was happy when he agreed not to disown me for not taking after the company and not marring Shirley, although he wasn't very pleased that I "ruined my future" to stay with a guy, but he didn't understand that that guy is the man I love and always will. We had lunch with my family but my grandfather was very quiet, which didn't surprise me; it was going to take some time for him to get used to seeing me with another man.

After having lunch and thanking my mother and apologizing again to Shirley, Suzaku and I went back to his apartment. We were both emotionally drained from all the stress of confronting my family and going public with our relationship, so we decided to just watch a movie and cuddle in the couch.

We were halfway through the movie when I felt my eyes getting heavier and heavier. I felt Suzaku shaking with soft laughter.

"What?" I asked him amused by him.

"Nothing." He said as he hugged me closer to him. "I'm glad everything is over and we are back together now. I've missed you so much."

"Oh Suzaku, I've missed you too, you have no idea. I'm so sorry I made you went through hell because of me. I'll make it up to you by never leaving your side again." I assured him as I took his hand in mine.

"Promise?" He looked up at me and made the cutest pout.

"Cross my heart and hope to die." I promised as I marked a cross over my heart.

"You can't break your promise now Lelouch." Suzaku warned me, making me laugh.

"I won't." I was about to fall asleep when I heard Suzaku talking again.

"I love you Lelouch." He whispered in my ear and kissed my lips.

"I love you too Suzaku, so much."

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**Please leave your reviews and thank you so much for reading! I had fun writing this two-shot, bot chapters at 4 am. LOL! **


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